In a twist that would make even the most seasoned space marine raise an eyebrow, Helldivers 2 players have successfully "liberated" a planet by turning it into a mysterious black hole that emits whale-like sounds. This is totally normal and definitely not a portal to the Illuminate, so please stop asking questions, citizen.
Mission accomplished! Democracy has been saved... right?
The latest major order in Helldivers 2 faced some hiccups, but credit where it's due - Arrowhead delivered a spectacular finale that far outshines the lackluster rewards from the Menkent Line campaign.
For those who've been slacking on their Super Earth-approved news updates, last week saw divers deployed to Meridia, home to a massive Terminid super colony. Their mission? Inject "dark fluid" - an experimental substance that turned some scientists into human spaghetti and was "acquired" from the Illuminate after the First Galactic War - into the planet's crust.
Now, about those Illuminate - they're a faction from the original Helldivers that hasn't yet warped their Protoss-like selves into the sequel. But don't worry! We treated the dark fluid with triple doses of democracy baths and homeopathic freedom shots, then let it simmer while blasting the Super Earth anthem. It's perfectly safe, citizen.
Upon completing the major order, Helldivers 2 players were abruptly yeeted out of Meridia's orbit and treated to a cutscene on the galactic map - courtesy of patriotic player Interjessing-Salary on the game's subreddit.
The dark fluid worked! Hooray! The dark fluid worked! Oh no...
Instead of simply removing Meridia from the Galactic Map, Arrowhead generously allows brave divers to revisit their victory site and gaze (democratically, of course) into the gaping, dark void. While it's essentially a fancy light show with killer sound design, it's still a pretty cool and tangible result for a major order. And those whale noises? Totally normal. Nothing to see here, move along.
The victory dialogue aims to reassure divers: "The Supercolony is toast. In its place, a stunning black hole now exists, sucking up every Terminid spore within billions of kilometers. Interstellar spore levels have plummeted across all systems. Meridia's destruction couldn't have come at a better time... Containment is now possible once again."
The hottest gaming news, reviews, and gear deals
Stay informed with the most crucial stories and best deals, handpicked by the PC Gamer crew.
Now, far be it from me to question Super Earth's infinite wisdom, but I can't help but wonder why "the Moradesh Research Facility [where we cooked up this stuff] has been decommissioned." After all, the black hole is beautiful - freedom was successfully dispensed, right? Unless, you know, it was never supposed to do any of that.
As astute space detective Khoakuma points out: "A typical planet's mass can't produce a black hole that massive. You'd need to compress Earth's entire mass into a pea-sized object (about 9mm) to create a black hole." They also note that E-710, the fuel conveniently found in Terminid blood, powers FTL drives. "It's probably a wormhole, lol. Super Earth's top brass is freaking out right now. Meridia should have shrunk into nothingness."
So, let's recap: We've got a "black hole" that makes whale noises, is way too big to be a real black hole, was created using the FTL-powering blood of billions of Terminids, and immediately after this "incredible victory" for Super Earth, the dark fluid factory shut down forever. Houston, I think we might have a slight problem...
Comments