I squeezed more eggs than you ever have in a lifetime in just one hour

"You've been selected as a volunteer to take the "Egg Squeeze" exam. This test evaluates psychokinetic instinct and biological makeup. You will be asked to press an egg over a short time in each test. The goal is to estimate the egg’s unique breaking point, and release your grip before the egg cracks. You will be graded according to how well you work with the eggs."

So begins the letter at the start of Egg Squeeze. In this game, you hold down the mouse button and squeeze an egg. Release the mouse button when you're done. All you have to do is squeeze an egg. Squeeze the egg and then stop.

I've played it for an hour.

The longer you squeeze the egg, the more points you earn. If you squeeze for too long, the egg will break and you'll lose points. How do you know for how long to squeeze? You don't unless...? If you have Synergy you will know when to stop pressing for the maximum multiplier. You'll end up with a bunch of wet egg yolk if you don't.

There's much more to it. There are many distractions, especially if your "eggsanity" starts to fade away if you squeeze too long or too often. You can earn multipliers if you can put together streaks without breaking any eggs. This can be difficult, however, because you have no idea when an egg will break. (Unless you don't because synergy. One time, I squozed an egg for too long. It cracked and instead of a hand full of yolk, a baby chick was standing there. It was strange. There are also more missives in the form letters from Egg Co. Investor Group and, if your performance is good enough, mysterious telephone calls.

I'll admit that I don't know how Egg Squeeze works to determine how long I can squeeze the egg before it breaks. It's not necessarily related to the awesome selection of music tracks (or sometimes the disturbing dead silence that accompanies me) or the on-screen "Eggmeter," which sweeps around at different speeds with a seemingly unrelated one to nine number, nor to the live chat window where "viewers," say things like, "Egg King," "Sexy Egg," and "Egg Tuah," or to the little egg character Buddy, who smiles and says helpful things like, "NEED AN You killed a lot of my friends."

I suspect that it's all random. I can't deny, however, that I have had long streaks of Egg Squeeze success simply by resonating. By knowing how long to squeeze before releasing. By experiencing... Synergy when handling the eggs. Is it in my head? Am I a victim of eggsanity? I don't really know. For now, I'm going to keep squeezing. You can do it too.