Scandal at World Conker Championships: King Conker, the victorious 'King Conker,' is caught with a painted steel replica.

The latest anti-cheating software, such as Riot's Vanguard and VAC, may be the most advanced. But a scandal from the World Conker Championship in the UK shows that cheating began long before aimbots ravaged Counter-Strike. The latest conker competition was held in Northamptonshire in the UK this past weekend. The winner in the men's categories was David Jakins. He has been competing in the competition since 1977, and is (or used to be) a respected figure in the conkering world.

But wait! After Jakins' win, the organisers searched the 82-year-old and found a steel chestnut that had been painted brown in his pocket. Jakins denies using this metallic interloper, but an investigation has been launched, as some competition suspect nefarious methods. Jakins's quarter- and semifinal matches were won in one hit, before he did the same in the final.

Conkers are a British game. I will explain them briefly for those who don't live in the UK. The word conker is most likely familiar to those who have played Rare's Conker platformers, which feature a foul-mouthed squirrel and bosses made of giant poos. But the name of the hero comes from a British and Irish traditional game. The players take the conkers (round solid lumps) from a horse chestnut, drill a hole, and thread string through them, then take turns whacking each other's conkers. The first conker to break loses.

In order to get back to the current scandal, retired engineer Jakins was a person of absolute trust. He was called "King Conker", a nickname given to the top judge who is responsible for drilling holes in chestnuts of competitors and threading string into them. Over 2000 conkers had been prepared for the competition.

St John Burkett told the Daily Telegraph that there have been allegations of foul play. It is alleged that King Conker exchanged his real conker with the metal one found in his pocket. "Players choose conkers from a bag before each round. Some people believe that King Conker marked the strings on the harder nuts. We can confirm that he was involved with drilling and lacing nuts before the event. We are investigating."

Jakins, for his part says that there is a perfectly innocent reason. King Conker said, "I was found carrying the steel conker around in my pocket. I only carried it for humour and did not use [it] during the event." "Yes, I helped prepare the conkers prior to the tournament. This is not cheating, nor was it a fix. I did not mark the strings. I just hit hard, and somehow I won."

Jakins' opponent at the final is not pleased about his conkering. Alastair Johnson Ferguson said, "My conker broke in one hit. That's just not possible." "I suspect foul play and I've expressed my surprise to the organisers."

Jakins won the men’s competition but lost the grand finale to Kelci Banneschbach, from Indianapolis. This was a shameful moment for the Brits as Banschbach became the first American woman to win the competition in its history.

David Glew, a conkers enthusiast, said: "As if that wasn't suspicious enough, the top judge of the event won his own tournament. He also obliterated his opponents' nuts with one blow and was then found with a conker made of metal." "The question is, how has he ever won before? The whole thing is nuts."